As I have talked about ad nauseum, I have always been a writer/reader. I have taken speed reading courses so I could read more and more, and my thirst to read has never wavered. I read at the dinner table, in the bathroom, online, everywhere. The book stores is one of my favorite places, and I have read whole books in one day at the bookstore. My wife teases me all the time, that I always have to be reading something, the paper, magazines, books or online.
My love of writing started very early. I am not sure if it was because my mom was a teacher and read to me so much, but I remember as far back as grade 3 loving to write stories. English was always my best subject, and my ability to write always got me thru university’s papers, often (well, always) writing them in one shot usually on the last day.
In grade school and junior high I would write horror stories, with the class members being the cast, and each morning I would have a dozen people wanting to read the latest chapter. Mostly they were Friday the thirteenth or Nightmare on Elmstreet stories, and we would be fighting the monster Jason Vorhees or Freddy. I would write dozens of pages a night and my classmates loved to read.
Later I started to write poetry/song lyrics. As all, or most all of my writing, I started to have trouble sharing my writing with others, and most of the poetry only my girlfriend saw. Most of it was written to score points with her, and unless she showed others not many people saw. In university, I got pretty close with a Creating Writing Prof who really helped me with my writing and was a published author herself. After talking me into showing her some of my work, she showed nearly 100 of my poems/songs to a publishing friend out of NY and to my surprise 3 of my poems, they felt were good enough to be published! I was ecstatic, and yet torn. I have always been my own biggest critic in all areas and I never felt my writing was good enough, and besides I wrote for me, as an outlet. I have been known most of my life to be very quiet, and serious (if I am not drinking, haha) and writing was the way I let the thoughts out when I was young. So at the last second I said no to the publishing of my work and no one has seen any of the songs I have written since save one, that I wrote in 5 min the day of my Nieces funeral. I wanted to have it read before the funeral but I would never have gotten through reading it, so I waited til after, and after showing one person in the family it quickly went thru the family, all people seeing it, and wanting copies. Incidentally this song was put on a local musicians cd here in town and I was given one of the first copies and mentioned in the linier notes, pretty cool.
After university, I stopped writing nearly completely save for emails and text messaging. I am not sure how well I wrote before, but I truly believe that this time period between 1996 and 2000, before I started blogging, set back my writing hugely. The shorthand that comes with emails and texting, and the total disregard to grammar really hurt the quality of my writing. During this time period I barely read for pleasure anymore either, most of what I read was Parenting/baby books as we were becoming parents for the first time and I was scared to death! I read every child rearing book I could get my hands on, and the number of books would be in the 20’s or 30’s for sure. Gone was the fiction I so loved.
After the childrearing books I did start reading again but it was not fiction it was Microsoft and computer networking books as I studied to be a Network admin. As much as I loved computers at the time, pouring through all of those dry computer books probably set me reading back a dozen years, haha. I didn’t want to touch a book after that.
I am just getting back into reading fiction books having read about a dozen books in the last 6 months. I love it, and I wish I had never stopped! Books, more than movies in my opinion (although this being said I am a HUGE movie buff) take you to places you can never travel. Books force you to use your imagination more than movies and I love the details that can go into a book, as well as admire the work that must go into each novel, the attention for detail, the research etc. Not to say the same isn’t required for movies, just that the novel is my preferred method if I had to choose between the two.
Nearly as much as books I love blogs. I have been reading them for years, on all different subjects and I quite frankly, may have a problem with them, haha. There are fantastic blogs, with talented, inspired writers, and then there are terrible ones of course. But in the end someone has put themselves out there, for good or bad, to get their thoughts out there to the world. I have blogs I read every day, or at the very least a time or two a week and there are some I read a paragraph of and never go back. My own blogging history goes back to late 2000, and depending where you are reading these words, you can go back into the archives and see my early blogging. I have approximately 400 posts in the current version of my blog (the one currently hosted at Shaneleighton.net) but have probably actually written 2000 blog posts and not posted them all. Goes back to maybe, my writing being too personal, or, maybe me censoring myself as to who my audience may be.
I was saying to a buddy the other day, that I am not sure why I censor myself, as I am not a very private person in a lot of ways once you are in my inner circle. I live my life pretty wide open, and for anyone who has ever had a few drinks with me can attest, have a few drinks with me, and you will know far more about me than you care to, haha. I don’t discuss other peoples matters in my writing and only write for and about myself, so its not like I would discuss anyones personal matters, only my own. I think it has more to do with the medium rather than the message. I love to write, and at one time, (10 years ago maybe) I considered myself to be a good writer. Now I feel my writing is not as good, and in a weird way I am self conscience about that. I dunno why, and I don’t know why it bothers me. I always had a hard time speaking in public, and putting my thoughts into words, but give me a pen and paper, or a computer, and I could write and write. And now that in my opinion my writing skills have shrunk from whatever level they were at, in a weird way it bothers me. It’s hard to explain I guess.
All this being said, I will repeat what I have been saying for ages. I am going to continue to write. I am going to try not and censor myself so much, and I will just write about those topics dear to me. Be it fitness, poker, movies, my day to day stuff, or whatever, I will continue to write, and I will try and press “Post” more when I do. I don’t know if anyone reads my stuff. It’s not like I hide it, having two sites with my name on them, and a third a blogspot blog, it’s not like I am hiding, or trying to be anonymous, haha. I will continue to put my thoughts to paper, or keyboard as it were, and continue to “self medicate” by putting my thoughts down. Some for the world to see, if they care to see it, mostly for myself to get it out of my head, and make space for the thoughts that are to come, lol. I may never make a cent from the words I write, as I dreamed of doing as a kid, but I will never stop reading and writing, because to me, it’s the cheapest form of entertainment, and self discovery that can be found.
