Balance.
This is something I have always strived for, wanted, and thought about, but something that isn’t the proper way to describe anything in my life. I don’t do things in a balanced way. I focus most of my energy on whatever I am pursuing at the time, and drive that thing into the ground until I move on to the next endeavor.
This latest journey down the fitness path, as I have mentioned a trillion times since I started writing again back in March was having the shit scared out of me by health problems. Most of my mental energy has been on getting healthy since then. Progress has come “slow” (which is relative I guess, in 4 months I have lost 25 ish pounds) as far as weight loss goes but in terms of how I generally feel, most days, it is like night and day. I have spent the better part of the last 8 years in agony with back/shoulder/neck problems. I still have my moments, and there still is some daily pain there, but for the most part, physically this is the best I have felt in well over a decade, and a price cannot be put on that.
Focusing all of your energy on ANYTHING can be tiring. Whether it is fitness, reading, poker, working overtime/your career, videogames, insert other interest here- if thats all you think about, concentrate on, it becomes, well, meh. It’s the way I have always been wired though I guess. I take up a new interest and pound that into the ground and move on. Over the years, I have always been interesting in fitness, whether in shape/healthy or not. That has never left me. More than once I thought that fitness should be the career path that I walk down. Ultimately I want to achieve more Balance in my life. However to achieve my goals, I still need to focus alot of my energy on the fitness side of things. I consider myself about half way to the first major goal I have (will talk more about that in a post to come) .
I am a big believer in self improvement, positive attitude and positive thinking. I am by nature a very cynical and serious person. I know this. I have been told 1,000,000 times that I always look pissed, or negative, or grumpy. Truth be told I am just (mostly) a quiet, shy guy. When you get to know me, I am friendly and more relaxed, and if I got a few beer/rye in me, loud, haha. Even though outwardly you may not see it, or find it hard to believe, but I work VERY hard to improve my attitude. And its something I have been struggling with for 20 years. I often say doing the Tony Robbins Personal Power course in my late teens saved my life. My parents had split, my grandmothers passed within months of each other, and I was drinking a tonne to “cope”. I was in a bad bad place. I have a tonne of very good friends, some guys I have known for 30 years, (and others who I have become great friends with over the last 6 years accross a poker table, who have helped a great deal). I am light years from the place I was when I was 17 years old, and thought the world was a very tough place (little did I know how true this is) but attitude remains something I work every single day to improve. It remains a work in progress.
This brings me to Vision. In many of the book I read, it says it helps to have a Clear Vision of where you want to go. Have a Vision, know where you want to get, and then adjust your attitude and actions towards doing what you need to do to make that Vision happen. Over the years my Vision has changed. When I started I wanted to be a bodybuilder. I wanted to look like Arnold or Skip Lacour, or Lee Haney. Now, I want to just be healthy. I want to look good of course, but I want to be pain free, active, energetic, and full of life. I am going to add a page to the blog, that will be an evolving copy of my Vision. What I want out of this fitness/health journey. It will be a living document, changing as my goals and aims change. I will start working on it immediately (have written down versions of my Vision before) and will post it up there when it is fleshed out a little.
And now the last topic from the Subject Transformation.
As much as I need and want to transform my body physically, as stated through out this post, as well as this blog, its as much about attitude and mindset , as it is about the physical side. Its about the inside as much as the outside. Sometimes I have written or not written posts here because I am aware that alot of people are reading this, or have read through and at least looked at the pictures, lol. Friends. Family. Ex’s. People that love me, and people that are indifferent or don’t like, or for that matter, know me at all. As quiet as I am when I don’t know people. People that know me probably quickly find out I live my life as an open book. I am writing this blog first and foremost to help myself. To get healthy inside and outside, and fit. But part of the sharing of this journey is the hope that I help at least one person take thier own journey. Part of my vision is to have a great Before and After montage or video, and hopefully Inspire one person to walk thier own journey to better health. Yeah some of this post is kinda touchy feely, but it is what it is. I will not be embarassed or afraid anymore to write this stuff, because well its part of the journey and part of the package.
Am off to do some exercise. Be back later.
