Change of Focus

So since starting this latest leg of my getting healthy and losing weight as much as I have fought it, I have placed a lot of focus and importance on losing weight on the scale. Yes I did, and still do have weight that I want to lose. I started at 230 lbs with a nearly 50 inch waist. Although I was saying here in this blog, and in my conversations the main thing was feeling good again and getting healthy, in my actions, and my internal dialog I was placing way way too much energy on the scale going down. Again, scale going down is an important part of this journey for me, but it should only be one source of feedback.

I have mentioned a couple times that I am feeling much better than I did when this all started and this is the truth. Chronic migraines have given way to two headaches in 4 months (a godsend), and even my back/neck/shoulder pain that was somedays severe, but always a daily thing in one degree or another, is so much better. Compared to how I felt on a daily basis in recent years, the last few months have been night and day. And really, isn’t that what is important?

I mean, I have made great progress. I am down nearly 30 lbs since March (although I have been stuck at 202-208 for 6 weeks). I am down 8-9 inches off my waist. With my nearly 130 days now of beachbody workouts, nearly everyday my fitness is improving week to week. I think that I should be focusing on the basics, eating well day to day following my weight watchers, and being more active. Walking more, biking/walking to work, walking on my breaks at work, as well as doing my workouts. If I eat well and move more, then getting hung up on what the scale reads is silly.

I had an experience in recent weeks where my scale at home read a certain number and I was estatic, only to walk out of the bathroom and get in the car and go to WW for those scales to say something else and I was livid. Now I didn’t lose any weight or gain, walking to my car certainly. To be estatic one minute and mad the next when there was no actual change is silly. So to combat this internal reliance on the scale as the ultimate method I am measuring my progress, the last couple weeks I have tried to stay away from the scales. Go to my WW meetings and weigh there, and the rest of the time focus on what I can control, eating better and moving more.

It won’t be something that is cured overnight. In my mind, I still place importance on the scale. I ultimately want to get down to around 180 or so, and get my bodyfat percentage down to a healthy level 12-16 percent. I am still 20 ish pounds from that. My waist is nearing sub 40 measurement, which is another big hurdle for me. Ultimately I want to get that down to 34 or so. Health is the ultimate goal, but how do you define “better health” or “good health”. For me its, healthy bloodpressure, cholesterol, and less/managable back pain. Less headaches. Being active, and not tired all the time. Not limited by my fitness levels for doing normal stuff I enjoy, sports, hiking, walking whatever.

So that is where my focus is now, cultivating a better and positive attitude. Focusing on not beating myself up because 38 year old me is not losing weight at the rate that 20 year old me could. I find myself whenever someone gives me a compliment on my progress, instead of being happy or whatever, I say something negative or “Still got a tonne to lose” or whatever. I need to focus on the positive stuff! I have lost 30 lbs. I am a few pounds away from being under 200 for the first time in 11 years. Thats a good accomplishment but not the be all and end all. But above and beyond the weight, I am getting leaner, stronger, more flexible. I have more energy and less pain. My quality of life is improving, and in the end, thats the best thing.

Bit of a disjointed post, doing it at work in between calls. These mindset posts are more written for myself, to try and get this stuff down in writing to make more sense of things. I hope someone gets something from them, as I am sure many of us walking this fitness journey struggle at times to time with mindset.

Headed camping for the first time this summer this weekend and will miss my weigh in this week at WW. I am bringing some resistance bands so i will do some light exercise while camping, and will be doing a lot of walking and stuff. Its going to be a different experience to go camping and not bring any beer for around the camp fire, but that is the plan. I will try and post again before I leave tomorrow after work.

Quiet week

This is week 4 for me in P90x and I am doing the recovery week.  I still find the yoga workouts very challenging.  I am working hard to get my flexibility up and lifting a few weights here and there for shoulders and arms, nothing too crazy.

Eats are pretty good, but this week, I have been craving a beer or 3 something terrible.  It’s been going on 5 weeks since I had one.  This weekend, and then next week when I go on 12 days vacation will be a huge test.  Work remains crazy busy, as it will for the next year or so , so I am just trying to pace myself in that regard, and not let it stress me too much.

All I got for now, I will try and be back with a more substancial post before I leave for camping on Friday night.  After all day on the computer at work, just haven’t wanted to be on here to post, got to catch up on my blog reading as well. 

Some Random thoughts heading into week 4 of P90x

Quiet Sunday night.  Today is my “day off”, but I am tinkering around with some dumbells while doing some reading.  Nothing too strenuous just doing some light shoulders and some stretching. Didn’t do a whole lot this weekend, got a couple walks in, worked out yesterday, and played a little tennis.  Was going to try and do some hiking but it rained.

Been working a little on my Vision, or long term fitness and health goals a little I will post them up as a page when I got something concrete down.  It will be a living document, that is it will change as I go, and its almost down to something readable now…lol.  Also been thinking of some other stuff this weekend, well to be honest, I am always in my head about this transformation/weight loss journey.  Here in no random order are some of the things I have been thinking about:

-Yesterday was a month since I drank ANY alcohol.  I don’t miss it most days, but come the end of the week, the last two weeks, I’ve been thirsty…..lol

-I bitch alot to people about getting old (I am 38 this year).  I know its a matter of perspective, and to people my mom’s age I am “a kid” and to my kids I am ancient.  Some days though, I feel 104 (but not EVERYDAY, like I did before the lastest trip down the road to get healthy)

-most days I feel better right now than I have in 10 years.  I had a flare up this past Thursday where I had to take muscle relaxants and pain killers for the first time in 3 months, but for the most part, in comparison to how I have felt the last couple years I feel great.

-I want to have a transformation video or set of pictures that motivates, just one person, anyone to take control of their own health and fitness.

-I give the number on the scale too much power in my life

-saw a quote by Craig Ballentyne, creator of the fantastic program Turbulence Traning, (paraphrasing) “What we do consistantly everyday, even on the weekends, leads us closer to our goals or further away”.  Great quote

-I need to be more vigilent in my tracking of my eats

-I need to drink more water

-I need to cut down on coffee (because of the sugar I put in it)

-I want to be in my best shape ever by my Birthday , 12/31/2010

Thats about it.  Just a smattering of stuff I have been thinking about.  I am going to go outside and get a little air/go for a walk.  Make it a great week everyone.

Blog’s been quiet, but I’ve been working!

I haven’t had much to say this week blog wise, but the beat goes on and I have been working it!

Yesterday had a bit of a setback when I was having really nasty back pain, so much so that I had to leave work as I couldn’t concentrate through the back spasms.  I had to take muscle relaxants and pain killers for the first time since early April.  Then it was night night for 4 hours in bed.  When I got up I did some very light stretching and some light shoulders with the bands and dumbells.  Today I was feeling much better and was back to regular P90x, with no limitations.  I worked very hard, and pushed hard.

Tomorrow morning I have my weigh in at weight watchers haven’t been on the scale since Monday, when I had to weigh in for a weight loss contest I joined on Facebook that runs 6 weeks.  I am hoping for a great week, as I really worked hard.  Again however I re-iterate, all I can do is eat right and do the exercise.  The results have no choice but to come if i do that.

I will be back in the morning with weigh in results and progress pics.

Busting my butt, Day 15 P90x

Today I had probably the best work out of 2010.  I didn’t leave one cleanly done rep behind.

Not one.

I have been stagnating, the last month.  Stuck in neutral

Doing my workouts, sure.  Eating pretty clean, (occasional bad food here or there but not once over my WW points). 

Today I decided no more half assing it.  I am going to so what I can accomplish if I believe I can do this.  If i believe that getting under 200 (and 190 and 180) is no different than going from 225 to 220, or 215 to 212.  I am going to trust in the plan of attack I have chosen (Weight Watchers for food, p90x for workouts) and give this every ounce of energy I got.

Don’t get me wrong, I long for the day that this takes no effort.  It’s just something I do.  Eat clean and move more.  But right now I have to fight for it.  Right now I have to make myself go to I think i can’t safely do another rep.  Eat clean but stay nourished.  The next 8 weeks will be the hardest I have worked this year.  It will be the best executed exercise and eating I have put together consecutively.  I will let whatever results come.  I can only control my effort.  Nothing more.

Tonights workout was chest and back with Ab Ripper X.  I am too tired to post up my results.  I hit some highs for the 6 weeks I have been doing P90x (started originally May 30th, restarted 15 days ago) .  It was a great workout. 

Now, bed.

Day 12 P90x, Pushups workout 2, bike ride, and Won the Biggest Loser at Work!

Hows that for a title?

In all actuality it sums up my day pretty good and this will be a short blog post cause I am pooped! lol

I won 300 bucks in the work Biggest Loser Challenge and I spent some of my bounty by investing in some free weight dumbells and a couple sturdier resistance bands.  I am ready to kick some butt now in my workouts!

Tonight was Back and Legs.  I am really focusing with the bands on form to get the most I can out of the resistance bands pulldowns, but I may start doing some assisted chins soon to get started working on the pullups.  After Back and legs i did ARX (Ab Ripper X) and nearly collapsed in a heap in the shower when I was done..lol

Before my workout tonight i did 10 quick km on my mountain bike.  I was cruising along thinking I was going pretty quick when a teenager wizzed past me as if I were standing still.  I mean, he was going so fast after about 15 sec I didn’t even see him ahead on the path anymore.  Sucks getting old, lol

Tomorrow I have the weigh in and meeting at weight watchers.  I hope I am down but I did have a few smallindiscretions this week eating wise so we will see. I have been working hard exercise wise and thats all I can do.  Eat well, exercise hard and maintain a positive attitude.  Will be back after the weigh in with some progress pics.

Balance, Vision, and Total Transformation

Balance.

This is something I have always strived for, wanted, and thought about, but something that isn’t the proper way to describe anything in my life.  I don’t do things in a balanced way.  I focus most of my energy on whatever I am pursuing at the time, and drive that thing into the ground until I move on to the next endeavor. 

This latest journey down the fitness path, as I have mentioned a trillion times since I started writing again back in March was having the shit scared out of me by health problems.  Most of my mental energy has been on getting healthy since then.  Progress has come “slow” (which is relative I guess, in 4 months I have lost 25 ish pounds) as far as weight loss goes but in terms of how I generally feel, most days, it is like night and day.  I have spent the better part of the last 8 years in agony with back/shoulder/neck problems.  I still have my moments, and there still is some daily pain there, but for the most part, physically this is the best I have felt in well over a decade, and a price cannot be put on that.

Focusing all of your energy on ANYTHING can be tiring.  Whether it is fitness, reading, poker, working overtime/your career, videogames,  insert other interest here-   if thats all you think about, concentrate on, it becomes, well, meh.  It’s the way I have always been wired though I guess.  I take up a new interest and pound that into the ground and move on.  Over the years, I have always been interesting in fitness, whether in shape/healthy or not.  That has never left me.  More than once I thought that fitness should be the career path that I walk down.  Ultimately I want to achieve more Balance in my life.  However to achieve my goals, I still need to focus alot of my energy on the fitness side of things.  I consider myself about half way to the first major goal I have (will talk more about that in a post to come) . 

I am a big believer in self improvement, positive attitude and positive thinking.  I am by nature a very cynical and serious person.  I know this.  I have been told 1,000,000 times that I always look pissed, or negative, or grumpy.  Truth be told I am just (mostly) a quiet, shy guy.  When you get to know me, I am friendly and more relaxed, and if I got a few beer/rye in me, loud, haha.  Even though outwardly you may not see it, or find it hard to believe, but I work VERY hard to improve my attitude. And its something I have been struggling with for 20 years.  I often say doing the Tony Robbins Personal Power course in my late teens saved my life.  My parents had split, my grandmothers passed within months of each other, and I was drinking a tonne to “cope”.  I was in a bad bad place.  I have a tonne of very good friends, some guys I have known for 30 years, (and others who I have become great friends with over the last 6 years accross a poker table, who have helped a great deal).  I am light years from the place I was when I was 17 years old, and thought the world was a very tough place (little did I know how true this is) but attitude remains something I work every single day to improve.  It remains a work in progress.

This brings me to Vision.  In many of the book I read, it says it helps to have a Clear Vision of where you want to go.  Have a Vision, know where you want to get, and then adjust your attitude and actions towards doing what you need to do to make that Vision happen.  Over the years my Vision has changed.  When I started I wanted to be a bodybuilder.  I wanted to look like Arnold or Skip Lacour, or Lee Haney.  Now, I want to just be healthy.  I want to look good of course, but I want to be pain free, active, energetic, and full of life.  I am going to add a page to the blog, that will be an evolving copy of my Vision.  What I want out of this fitness/health journey.  It will be a living document, changing as my goals and aims change.  I will start working on it immediately (have written down versions of my Vision before) and will post it up there when it is fleshed out a little.

And now the last topic from the Subject Transformation.

As much as I need and want to transform my body physically, as stated through out this post, as well as this blog,  its as much about attitude and mindset , as it is about the physical side. Its about the inside as much as the outside.   Sometimes I have written or not written posts here because I am aware that alot of people are reading this, or have read through and at least looked at the pictures, lol.  Friends.  Family.  Ex’s.  People that love me, and people that are indifferent or don’t like, or for that matter, know me at all.  As quiet as I am when I don’t know people.  People that know me probably quickly find out I live my life as an open book.  I am writing this blog first and foremost to help myself.  To get healthy inside and outside,  and fit.  But part of the sharing of this journey is the hope that I help at least one person take thier own journey.  Part of my vision is to have a great Before and After montage or video, and hopefully Inspire one person to walk thier own journey to better health.  Yeah some of this post is kinda touchy feely, but it is what it is.  I will not be embarassed or afraid anymore to write this stuff, because well its part of the journey and part of the package.

Am off to do some exercise.  Be back later. 

Good decisions

Not really sure how I have done on the scale this week.  Now that works Biggest Loser thing is over, for the next few weeks I will weigh in at Weight Watchers and Weight Watchers only.  I will focus instead on making good healthy decisions everyday at the dinner table, and with exercise.  If I do those things, I will get to I ultimately want to get.

Speaking of works Biggest Loser contest, I haven’t found out yet who won, but I currently lead with one person left to weigh in.  Whatever I win for prize money I am going to reinvest in some heavier duty bands or some free weights.  I used to have a TONNE of weights, I gave away over 800 lbs of free weights when I finished my basement two years ago.  I should have had enough sense to keep some of it.  Oh well.  I just want enough to equip a couple dumbbells

I have tomorrow off and I plan to have a good day of exercise and a whole lot of not being at work, lol.  Work has been so busy and hard on the head of late, but I consider myself very lucky to have a job.  I don’t like my current position within the company but I have no issues with the company itself.  They have been over the top good to me through my various health issues with my chronic migraines and back stuff over the years.  Couldn’t ask for more.

All I got for now, going to follow a couple poker tournaments online and hit the hay.  We’ll chat tomorrow. 

Day 8 Chest, Back and Ab Ripper X

Another day down and a great workout in the heat tonight.  I had a good workout, and a good day of eating.  I have not been on the scale since Saturday morning and I don’t plan on getting on all week except when I have to weigh in for a work contest. 

Went for a walk this evening after my workout to the local drug store to get my refill for my blood pressure medicine with my wife.  I also walked home after work the 5km, so I have gotten lots of exercise today, and got in 31 points nutrition wise today.  I continue to come up short with my water intake, gotta work on that. 

Not much else to say tonight, I will be back tomorrow after my workout. 

Reinventing me

When I started this lastest journey down the road to weight loss and health back in March it was necessitated from a health scare.  I have been walking this road for 25 years, from the first time i saw Arnold on the cover of a Muscle and Fitness (Muscle Power back then) magazine.  When I was young I wanted to be BIG and powerful like my bodybuilding heroes.  Now I want to be healthy and be around to walk my children down the isle and be around for my wife, and play with my grand children.  As I have mentioned several times, lying in a hospital bed thinking you had heart problems is quite a jolt back into reality. 

As much work as I still need to do on the outside, on the scale, chipping away at the fat that I am still carrying (and at 205 ish pounds, 41 inch waist and 28 percent bodyfat there is a lot still to go) I still have ALOT of work to do on the inside.  Attitude, confidence and mindset as I often talk about are things I struggle with daily.  Over the last few months, I have received tremendous support from friends and family who say I am doing great and to not give up, but yet I still struggle to enjoy and celebrate the progress.  I HAVE MADE GREAT PROGRESS.  I do see it when I look at my progress pics, but because of my ingrained negative thoughts, I still see what still needs to be done, or am unhappy at with the speed the progress is coming.  In my mind I know that I am doing well, but yet still beat up on myself for it not going as fast as I want.

During my blog reading this am I saw a fantastic post here that compares losing weight to one of my other passions, Poker.  He states how if you concentrate on the decisions, eating healthy and on plan, and exercising and continue to make healthy decisions, the results will take care of themselves in time.  They have to!  Wise words that I am trying hard to take to heart and live by, in both weight loss AND poker.  It’s a work in progress. 

Enough rambling for now, but I will be back later today.