Stuff

So this morning before work, I dragged myself out of bed and did some exercise at 5:45 in the morning.   It wasn’t easy and I didn’t want to do it but I needed to get myself used to back in the groove of moving with a purpose and exercise with a purpose rather than just going through the motions.  For all the bitching and moaning I have done in recent weeks I haven’t regressed much, as I am still in the 206-208 range, but I am not progressing either.  In a rut.

Got some things I am a little stressed about, but I am, as always, working to improve my attitude about them and things in general.  I have some changes I am going to implement in my life, that I am sure that I will talk about at some point just not right now.  Being purposely vague about it, basically just going to do what I can to make, good, healthy decisions each day, and focus on making the small correct decisions, in all areas that will take care of the progress and the long haul. 

All in all, my health is in a pretty good place right now.  Knock on wood, no migraines/tension headaches of late, and my back /shoulder/neck stuff is feeling good.  My right knee is a little wonky but nothing serious.  I feel like a million bucks in relation to how i felt a few short months ago, and I look to improve upon that over time.  Healthy eating and continued exercise will get me there.

I guess the biggest area of my life that requires work is in the mindset/attitude area, as I have mentioned a trillion times.  I can’t even put my finger on what exactly is the trouble, but just a feeling of indifference in many areas.  I am well aware of what needs to be done, and I am truly working to improve on my attitude in all areas, be it work, fitness/healthy etc.  I am reading some positive books and trying to keep the negative shit that beats a person down to a minimum.  As I have said a million times, with a positive/correct attitude ANYTHING is possible.  But with a negative/wrong one, boy it sure makes the smallest task seem like a mountain.

I continue to play around with the layout of my blog til I get one that I like. You may see this change a few times until I settle on one I like.  Just doing some housekeeping and some tinkering.  Anyway all I got for now, its getting late and I should get to bed to get a descent nights rest. 

Back to Basics

Here I am. No excuses for the last couple weeks. I have been struggling mightily making correct decisions in regards to eating and exercising. This week I am refocusing though (since Sunday) and have exercised 3 days in a row (including at 5:45 am this morning) and I am back on plan. Going to get out of my own way, and just make better decisions every day.

I am getting back to basics and just following the programs I am doing. As always its Weight Watchers for Nutrition, and P90x for exercise. Move more and eat less. You’ve heard it a million times, but thats what I need to do. If I do that everything else will fall into place.

I have thought alot about why I haven’t been writing and why I have struggled so much with food and exercise lately. I was doing so much better when I was writing everyday and taking the once a week pics, and updating facebook. Holding myself accountable was working, and when I started to struggle mindset wise I got away from that. Time to do what I know works. I am 3 days into refocused efforts. I will strive to write, through good and bad 5 days a week minimum. I will not worry about what anyone thinks about the struggles (or the small victories) and I will just write about the journey, because I know that helps me. And thats what really matters.

Into the dangerous space that are my thoughts

Tonight after work, I have spent quite a while reading through the fitness blogishsphere. The stories out there never cease to inspire, sadden, motivate, and cause me to think more about my own journey.

I was reading tonight a blog that has been dormant for months and months and months. His last post was a post saying he was going to shut the blog down because he didn’t feel he could be honest anymore. His friends and family had been reading his blog and he felt that he wasn’t “writing” anymore and just making short “update” posts. He was worried what people he knew would think. I don’t want that to happen with me. I am going to be honest in this space, and not care what anyone thinks. For good or bad, I will be honest in this space. I have started a number of weight loss /fitness blogs and have stopped when the exercise and eating went off the rails. I would stop blogging when things got tough out of frustration and embarrassment. If you are interested you can find blog posts going back 8 years here. Just be warned there are posts about a million different topics , sports, fitness, poker, hiking, video games etc.

The point of this post I guess is to just kinda explore what I want to do with this blog. I want this to be a place I can be honest about the ups and the downs as I strive to get to a great level of health and fitness. After I get there I will continue on blogging here telling the ongoing story. I want this blog to be the time I don’t quit when it gets tough, writing or striving to get healthy.

I had another good day today eating, and got my power 90 in this morning and went over 12000 steps again today. Last day at work tomorrow then vacation. Even though I have only been back to work a week, I am looking forward to vacation. My time off in March was NOT a vacation. Got a poker game on Saturday I am really looking forward to, and then there is the Masters to watch as well! Big weekend. Talk to you tomorrow.

A little about blogging, fitness blogs or otherwise

All my life, one of the great passions I have had has been writing. I once considered myself a pretty good writer, now I do not feel that I am. I often joke that email, instant messenger programs, and forums have ruined my writing. There are posts from me out there on the intertubes going back a lonnnnnng ways. These words that have I have written are still out there to be found even now, even though I do not make their locations public knowledge. They can be found with some digging though.

I have had no less than 10 fitness blogs over the past 8 years I am sure. Each time I failed I opted for a “fresh start” and changed the name or changed providers, or changed sites or whatever. I am really hoping that this is my last kick at the proverbial can if you will, at both the last time I “restart” the weight loss and get healthy regimen and the last time I change my fitness blog. This will be my online fitness home going forward.

If you look at my blogger profile I only have two blogs listed, this one and one titled “Shane’s Room”. Both were started this month. Hidden are no less than 8 other blogs, separate ones for sports, poker, a personal blog etc. I have separate ones because of my aforementioned love of writing, and in my head I like to keep topics separated. People that want to hear my thoughts on poker may not want to hear my thoughts on sports or darts or whatever. However this ended up with me having numerous blogs which were written in very infrequently. So now I am going to try and keep things to a manageable 2 or three.

The last few days I have been reading a lot of fitness blogs out there. The inspirational stories of effort, triumph and defeat always move me. I love blogs and blogging, always have. In one form or another I have been blogging since 2001, and while I may not have always been a diligent blogger as far as writing, I have never ever stopped reading them. As I now really focus most of my energy that I have on finally getting healthy, I am seeking out people and stories that fight a similar battle. There are people that have far more to lose than the 50 or 60 I ultimately want to lose, and there are some that only have a few pounds left to lose, but their stories can be fascinating! I urge you out there reading this post to take a look around the bloggishphere. I guarantee you there is someone out there fighting the same battles as you, or someone fighting a situation that makes your battle that may be overwhelming you at this time, seem like small potatoes. And this doesn’t mean your battle is insignificant, but rather, that your battle can and will be won.

Consolidating all my stuff

Well here we go. My 413th blog. Woo. lol.

I just love to write. I have all my life. I do it when I am down, happy, mad, and bored. It is something that I have always enjoyed doing. The problem is I have too many blogs spread all over the place and they all have sporadic posts. So essentially I am consolidating things.

All my guy stuff, the stuff I follow such as movies, poker, sports, and the stuff I do for entertainment, games, compete with my friends etc will be here. I have another blog that I keep that documents my attempt to get healthy and fit. Maybe this way I can get my number of blogs to a more manageable 3 or so…lol.

So you can expect to see posts about all kinds of different stuff, essentially the stuff in the header up top there ^. I can’t promise it will be exciting. There will be some days that will have 4 posts. And some weeks with none. We’ll see how it goes.

Gonna give Power 90 a go

I have been dancing around the idea of doing Beachbody’s Power 90 for a while, but I have decided that I am going to do the program. It’s a good intro to the Beachbody programs from what I can understand and to be perfectly honest, I am not ready for P90x. I am simply too out of shape. I plan to order the program this weekend, and will spend the next couple weeks until it gets here preparing as best I can.

As I was saying yesterday, things have been busy but that is not an excuse. I need to start really attacking my current physical condition, with no excuses. I have been doing some wii stuff, and some resistance band stuff but I have to really get to work and start writing here as well as it keeps me honest and accountable. I plan to write here 4-5 days a week minimally.

Two months?

Yeesh….two months since I blogged in this here blog? Wow.

Not a whole lot going on, same old thing. I am just coming off a weeks vacation, and didn’t do a whole lot. I have not been playing much online poker as I am taking a little break to sort out my game, and needed something to fill the void so I got into the video game World of Warcraft. It’s a fun game, and am enjoying it. I tend to dive into things head first when I undertake them, drive them into the ground, and move onto the next thing when I am done. This seems to be following that pattern.

Poker wise, as I was saying, I have not been playing much. I play once or twice a month live, and am doing well, up about 1300 bucks in 2008, but online was just getting my butt kicked. I have been trying to figure out if I want to continue online or not, or just continue playing live recreationally. I find it hard to approach anything half way, and poker is definitely something I have not pursued half heartedly. I have dived into the game as a fan, student and player, and maybe I was a little burnt out. The break has done me well.

Other than that, the nice weather is finally here. Golf courses are open for the most part around here, but I have yet to play. My back is better, but I still don’t know if it would hold up to 18 holes or not. I have only played 8 rounds in 4 years because of my back, and I really miss the game. I do hope to get back into it this year in some capacity, as its something I can do (god willing) for the next 30 years or so.

At work I have three weeks left of the night shift and then I am going back to days thank god. I don’t see the kids at all on this shift and I miss them both alot. My youngest girl really doesn’t like it but its almost over. Have to make the most of the weekends.

Blogging for me on my various blogs has always been a funny thing. I love to write, and write something every day nearly, but I may hit submit on a third of the posts. I used to feel I was a very good writer, but have always said that email and msn ruined any skill I had. I also find that I censor myself alot. Not that I ever write anything about my friends or family that they would not want out there, but I guess I just find that I often write stuff that it would be easier not to put out there for all (thats my two readers, haha) to see, because I don’t feel its well written enough or whatever. However, as I have said (but not followed through with) I am going to do what I can to hit submit more often and not worry about what anyone thinks. What can I say, its a work in progress, lol.

Well thats all for now, must get going to work.

Two months?

Yeesh….two months since I blogged in this here blog? Wow.

Not a whole lot going on, same old thing. I am just coming off a weeks vacation, and didn’t do a whole lot. I have not been playing much online poker as I am taking a little break to sort out my game, and needed something to fill the void so I got into the video game World of Warcraft. It’s a fun game, and am enjoying it. I tend to dive into things head first when I undertake them, drive them into the ground, and move onto the next thing when I am done. This seems to be following that pattern.

Poker wise, as I was saying, I have not been playing much. I play once or twice a month live, and am doing well, up about 1300 bucks in 2008, but online was just getting my butt kicked. I have been trying to figure out if I want to continue online or not, or just continue playing live recreationally. I find it hard to approach anything half way, and poker is definitely something I have not pursued half heartedly. I have dived into the game as a fan, student and player, and maybe I was a little burnt out. The break has done me well.

Other than that, the nice weather is finally here. Golf courses are open for the most part around here, but I have yet to play. My back is better, but I still don’t know if it would hold up to 18 holes or not. I have only played 8 rounds in 4 years because of my back, and I really miss the game. I do hope to get back into it this year in some capacity, as its something I can do (god willing) for the next 30 years or so.

At work I have three weeks left of the night shift and then I am going back to days thank god. I don’t see the kids at all on this shift and I miss them both alot. My youngest girl really doesn’t like it but its almost over. Have to make the most of the weekends.

Blogging for me on my various blogs has always been a funny thing. I love to write, and write something every day nearly, but I may hit submit on a third of the posts. I used to feel I was a very good writer, but have always said that email and msn ruined any skill I had. I also find that I censor myself alot. Not that I ever write anything about my friends or family that they would not want out there, but I guess I just find that I often write stuff that it would be easier not to put out there for all (thats my two readers, haha) to see, because I don’t feel its well written enough or whatever. However, as I have said (but not followed through with) I am going to do what I can to hit submit more often and not worry about what anyone thinks. What can I say, its a work in progress, lol.

Well thats all for now, must get going to work.

Two in one day!

Oct 25

I am blogging on my treo as my oldest has my laptop and I am downstairs getting ready to watch Survivor with the boss.

Earlier today, I posted to my personal blog for the first time in 6 weeks. Frustrated with some comments I had received and the fact that I was self censoring, I first made my blogs go private and then just didn’t write at all outside of my poker blog. I love to write about a number of different topics, and as such I have a couple different blogs. One on fitness, personal, sports and poker. I have a blogspot blog for each and I put them all together in one spot on my personal site www.shaneleighton.net.

As I mentioned earlier today I am off work due to my bad back and I haven’t really done a whole lot of anything because if I do much of anything physical I feel like hell. All I have been doing really is a little bit of poker online and a whole lot of thinking and vegging.

One thing that has been on my mind a lot is, if I could do anything for a living, what would it be? I know that I am not cut out to spend the rest of my life in an office environment. At the very least not cut out to do it 60 hours a week. Ultimately what I would love to do is something working for myself, but I don’t know what yet. I know that there is a lot of risk, work, responsibilities that come from having your own business just like working for someone else, but at least you are in control. You have the say on whether or not you succeed or fail. You other do whatever it takes or not. You are not subject to the whim of someone making a move to make himself look better. Anyway I digress.

I guess what it all comes down to is I am going to start doing more of what I like, what I enjoy and worry less about what anyone thinks or what they will say. I spend far too much time worried about shit that means nothing, or that cannot be changed. It’s time to start living my life to my own standards and the way I want, and as long as I look out for my family’s interest first, not worry about anything else, or worry how it will or not be perceived.

Another disjointed post, that I will partially blame on the meds I am taking that are making me a little “cloudy”, lol. Gonna go get ready for a blogger tourney. Expect more of me in the next few days and weeks.

Two in one day!

Oct 25

I am blogging on my treo as my oldest has my laptop and I am downstairs getting ready to watch Survivor with the boss.

Earlier today, I posted to my personal blog for the first time in 6 weeks. Frustrated with some comments I had received and the fact that I was self censoring, I first made my blogs go private and then just didn’t write at all outside of my poker blog. I love to write about a number of different topics, and as such I have a couple different blogs. One on fitness, personal, sports and poker. I have a blogspot blog for each and I put them all together in one spot on my personal site www.shaneleighton.net.

As I mentioned earlier today I am off work due to my bad back and I haven’t really done a whole lot of anything because if I do much of anything physical I feel like hell. All I have been doing really is a little bit of poker online and a whole lot of thinking and vegging.

One thing that has been on my mind a lot is, if I could do anything for a living, what would it be? I know that I am not cut out to spend the rest of my life in an office environment. At the very least not cut out to do it 60 hours a week. Ultimately what I would love to do is something working for myself, but I don’t know what yet. I know that there is a lot of risk, work, responsibilities that come from having your own business just like working for someone else, but at least you are in control. You have the say on whether or not you succeed or fail. You other do whatever it takes or not. You are not subject to the whim of someone making a move to make himself look better. Anyway I digress.

I guess what it all comes down to is I am going to start doing more of what I like, what I enjoy and worry less about what anyone thinks or what they will say. I spend far too much time worried about shit that means nothing, or that cannot be changed. It’s time to start living my life to my own standards and the way I want, and as long as I look out for my family’s interest first, not worry about anything else, or worry how it will or not be perceived.

Another disjointed post, that I will partially blame on the meds I am taking that are making me a little “cloudy”, lol. Gonna go get ready for a blogger tourney. Expect more of me in the next few days and weeks.